アルカロイド

So this Sunday I tried to hold a housewarming for a bunch of my coworkers, friend and family in NYC.

No one showed up! Ahaha

I had to even guilt my parents into comming. It was pretty horrible. BUT we accomplished a lot. The apartment is look bad mother fuckin ass. I'm happy with it <3

On Saturday I held the DnD character creation/mini encounter with Merle, Devin, Johnathan and Andrew(Ganth). It was fun. Devin got the crap beat out of him. <_< That's what he gets for being a tank and standing next to a Dire mother fucking Rat that's gonna attack the closest thing to it.

The next one should be on the 28th. I'm almost scared to start setting up my stuff as a DM. I'm gonna be overwhelmed i know it! ::shakes a baby::

Lucky Me, in terms of job status, I may be moving to the Brooklyn Office soon. Which means like a 20 minute commute :D Reduced from 2 hours? That's awesome. What sucks though is that the office there sucks. It's crowded, loud and stress-filled. It's still awesome though cause I save $210.00 a month in transportation.

:D woot woot

I may have my cool friend Trevor from Cali coming to New York in a few weeks. That should be fun! Lots of sight seeing and furriness.

What sucks though, about all this moving/full-time job/planning, is that I have no time for the shit I love to do. Like, drawing, playing bass and video games. I've bought 3 video games in the past month. Haven't played them for more than 30 minutes each, yet my friend Devin who's visited frequently has nearly beat each one. It's so frustrating! I haven't even opened Dragon's Age.

I guess I need to learn to sleep less. But most likely with the job move I'll have more time to myself.

Yay.

So yea, I'm taking a nap for the rest of my lunch at work.

:D Wheeeeee

 :D Ahhh the sweet smell of paint... *cough cough*

So we're finally moved in. Painting is done and all of our shit is here. We have a lovely couch donated by the parental units and a few dining things from IKEA. Our bed still wont be here for another few weeks but w/e, the couch turns into a much more uncomfortable bed. :) But...

INTERNET GET
TELEPHONE GET
CABLE GET

All we gotta do now is just wait for the housewarming to find out what we /need/ to get ourselves. But for now it's pretty damn spiffy living here. <_< Though the neighborhood and building makes me feel extremely awkward if I pass through my front door NOT put together. lmao

Things have changed as expected. But, it's ok - I knew that before I signed the lease. It's just a matter of keeping lines of communication open and stuff along those lines, right? Moving along~

Work has been most accommodating if I hadn't mentioned that before. I may get transferred temporarily to a much closer-to-home office. 

Oh! I'm also going to start a D&D campaign. So far its Ganth (Andrew), and a few of my friends (Devin and Johnathan). I know a few of you are experienced (<_< Lookin at you Sam) :D So expect to hear from me soon *coughSamcough*

Should be fuuuuuuuun.... 

Also, also - Tomorrow or some time this week I plan on starting my work out routine. I just can't decide between waking up at 4 and doing it in the morning or killing my afternoon and doing it after work. DECISIONS DECISIONS. >:|

I hope all of you who are friended and went to Fur Fright, enjoyed it. I heard a lot of good news (or rather briefly read on the good news). 

And now I'm running out of things to type type type. So... Ja :D

 Kay so I nearly exploded today from the stress lmao. 

Talk about last minute! Movers to get my parents old couch costs 300+ dollars! WTF ya? So screw that plan lmao. I have to take off of work D: Had to track down my section manager, work something out for tomorrow and Monday. Then I had to contact the building, let them know when we plan to be there to move shit in. 

Then tomorrow I gotta buy the paint and PAINT ALL WEEKEND :) Awesome. I think like one person is helping me besides Ganth (Andrew) lmao. And even then he has mid terms coming up so he'll be taking breaks for study. 

Then Monday I have to sit around and organize shit while I wait for Verizon to show up and install the internet phone and cable. 

Did I mention that we havent bought furniture yet? lmao. At some point during the weekend i have to at least make an attempt to do just that. 

(Psst, if anyone has any furniture thats in good shape that they would rather give away then destroy :) I'd be forever grateful if you'd atleast consider sending me a pic or somethin O: )

Hmm.... Then next weekend I'm hosting a Windows 7 Launch Party. Oh, that'll be fun. With a half furnished house and a whole night talking about computers. Not that I'd mind I just honestly dont think theres enough to talk about ahaha. (P.S. I dont intend to spend the whole night talking about Windows lmao. Maybe an hour. MAYBE)

I think I'm more excited about having FIOS than what's going on right now XD

But anyway! .... I just needed to vent. I've lost complete train of thought and I'm gonna finish this journal now .

 Good bye :D

Not to you guys, but to everyone in the Bronx! I'm moving! Finally <_<

Me and Andrew (ganth) have gotten an apartment together. We just signed the lease on Saturday. It's about damn time that I get out of my folks home and into something more... not them :D

It's a super nice apartment in the city and I plan on hosting a FurMeet type thing at the apartment once we get everything settled, so keep an eye out for updates and maybe an actual plan. 

Now, the apartment is smack in the middle of the Financial District and I'm sure there will be a deal of snobbery as we move in so just a few things I ask. 

The apartment isn't huge, so a HUGE furmeet is probably out of the question. Fursuiters, feel free to bring your suit but do not wear them outside of the apartment. Besides that, just be considerate of the other apartments and the space you will be in!

(Also, Ganth hasn't had much exposure to the fandom besides me so.... be gentle? :D No crazy! Crazy is bad.... well not really but you understand!)

Anyway, enough propoganda from "The Man" (freakin wall street folk) -  I am excited!

I know I've neglected you guys sooo much, I miss you all like uber mega supah crazy! Working full time and living an hour+ from any furmeet kinda makes the trip slightly less appealing. But now that I'm moving out I'll have a little more free time. So I probably will be showing up at other furmeets, just not within the next month or so. Hectic moving days and what not. 

I mean, can you believe the building wont let us move in on the weekends? And only during the week between 8-4? I get home from work at like 6:30! It's gonna be stressful, at least I think so. 

But yes :3 MY SOCIAL LIFE IS GETTING DEFIBRILLATED

-Sterne

I've done it well, ya?

Working full time, attempting to go back to school for somethin' crazy and managing time with the man makes it hard to do things O: 

Not saying I haven't had fun on my own, I have, but despite all the drama and nasty smells (just kidding) I miss people! I miss going out to L.I. and just being a lazy bum! ahah... sigh.

Just wanted to let people know who read this crapola that I haven't forgotten or ditched. I just been busy O:

WoW had eaten my soul, but I honestly have not logged on in over 2 weeks! Shock!
Speaking of Video Games <_< I'm pre-ordering my pspGO.... >_> Just sayin'

I don't have much time left cause I have to start working... again... but that's about it for the update.

Oh Oh, I'm actually moving out soon-ish. Like fo'reals... unless the world blows up again. Hopefully a few months after I've settled in, I can try and host a small get together or somethin'. That'd be nice :) But it's all just speculation at the moment.

I'm at work - I am bored.

My shift starts in like 4 minutes and I'm extremely bored :D

But I guess I have time for an update of some sorts, to let you peoples know I'm alive of course

because i KNOW you love me of course!

Anyway - Work has gotten more monotonous, I've gotten off the phones for the most part and I'm doing Internet and U.S. Mail corespondence. It's a different type of monotony, but still monotony.

I've been playing WoW more often. Trying to get my friend up to a level where we can play on my main then race for 80. We're half way there :D Also - I'm trying in a very lazy way to reignite my lovers dead guild. So far I've recruited 2 people! Whee~

--As a tandem to taht, I got a spanky new graphics card. Max everything at 60fps <3 mmmm

I haven't been drawing as much. I've been working on a comic and got 3 pages out and can't figure out how to take the story from there. (The story is already written out as a novel that I'm still working on, I'm trying to take a diff approach and point of view in the form of a comic. So far, I think it's failing :D )

School is still non existant. I'm hoping to go back next semester for music but I don't know how that's going to pan out just yet. I already have all my loans pestering me for monies. Kinda don't wanna deal with that lmao

I'm getting closer to moving out, but farther from saving money for it. I probably only have like 500 saved right now :x That's pretty fucking bad, lmao - I'm so bad with money! *pets graphics card* .... FUCK D:
But still, the plan to move out in May hasn't been deterred... just... finding a place is being a bitch :D My room mate to be doesn't make enough money for the type of apartment I'd like to live in so it's kinda disheartening :X Am I an asshole for thinking this way? 

Well, I'm now late to start my shift cause it took me too long to type this fuckign shit up. Yay distractions!

-Sterne

So - Let's see what's happened since the last time I posted....

Oh yea :D nothing!

Well that's a lie, some stuff has changed.

1. I still work at Con Edison (thank gawd)

2. I've been drawing/writing a lot more. I think I like where my art style is going, but not so steady on my writing

3. Trying to get some music thing going on - but conflicts and crap. I don't wanna be an ass, i really don't. But I swear I'm gonna start being a douche if it gets music done with me involved :V

4. I STILL haven't gone to a fur meet in forever~ Its very odd o;

And a big one!

5. Omgsh I'm single again! O:
5a. I'm taking a break from my relationship. I'm too unsure about how I really feel so I'm backing off. Trying to work out things in my head, but in the mean time just relaxing and doing w/e. Or atleast trying to relax. Dunno how well it's going.

:D I could go off on rants and use this journal for what it's purpose is, but I know no one will read it. Hell I know I wouldn't o; Atleast not for someone I didn't know closely.

6. Poop.

Thus concludes my- OH SHIT THATS RIGHT. I'm addicted to World of War Craft :D It's kinda sad but awesome~  

So I contemplated writing this whole journal in Gollum-Speak but voted against it due to inexplicable reasons of prejudice.

So here are a few updates in MAI LIFE~

1. I has a boyfriend. One that seems actually stable and not insane :D His name is Andrew. I update just infrequently enough to make it seem like I'm jumping from one boy to another ahah. But trust me... Ohio breeds evil and it actually did take me a while to get over it.

2. Tablet GET! Yea I have a tablet~ Wut naow hoe! I still have yet to decide if I'll use it to get better at coloring, line art or both.

3. Stable Job GET! I've finally become a perma employee at Con Edison. My "trial" period ended a few weeks ago which means they can't fire me now unless I do something incredibly stupid. :D

4. I'm actually doing more art? SHOCKER - Yea I have a bunch of sketches not uploaded. I'm trying my best to actually like, oh I don't know, Form a Gallery that is formidable?

5. School! I'm officially out of school for this semester and last. MY school fucked me over for the last time and I decided to take a short break. It's kind of late to register for this coming semester - but when I do go back, I intend to major in Music and Minor in English. Maybe become a Music Teacher somewhere. Which means I'll have to take education courses as well.

6. Speaking of Music - my band is active again and we're actually making progress. I can't stand the rythmn guitarist who shall not be named... not that he reads this anyway ahha - but he needs to get his head out of his ass before he wants to start working in a BAND and not a Solo Project that doesn't exist.

7. I want to move out soon - I have the ability to ( probably not wise at the moment since I have very little money saved up... << and yea thats totally my fault ) but by the latest I want out of here by the summer. :D Anyone in New York City looking for a room mate? :D

And that's about all I can think of right now. I suck with these.. blogs and .. JOURNALS for some odd reason. I had an idea of a long interesting and engaging Journal entry but it's quite dry :V

Oh and for peoples with Playstation 3!

My PSN is roboSTERNE : ADD ME PLZ :> I wanna play spiffy games ;-;

If I think of anything remotely interesting I'm sure I'll post it or some crap.

Greetings Friends and Furries!

I have stumbled across two relatively cheap apartments in the New York City area.

One of which is a 2 Bedroom and the other is a 3 Bedroom. Essentially, I would need one or two reliable room mates if we want this to work.

Here's the information: 

WAKEFIELD AREA: 3-BR apartment at 1001 East 228th Street, $1,500, utilities not included

-And-

EAST NEW YORK, BROOKLYN: brand new 2-BR, 1-BTH, lots of closet space, new hardwood floor, heat and water included, $1,400/month.

I am very serious about moving out of my parents house - and with reliable room mates, either is quite do-able. If anyone is interested at all PLEASE PLEASE Post here or call me at 347 392 0801

The Wakefield address would end up being 500+ a month and the Brooklyn would end up being 700+ a month but it has heat and water included. We would split utilities which is completely up to debate and compromise. I would cover the electric bill just on principle XP. I work for the electric and gas company of NYC ( Con Edison ) So I do have a reliable and steady job. I'm working part time, but I make enough to cover either portions of the rent. And besides - they're going to ask me to go full time in a month or so.

:3 Once again please contact me if you're interested at all.

So.. Going back to Ohio.

Probably a huge mistake and I'm probably endangering myself more than I should, but the party in question is trying to fix what he "broke"... more like shattered into something indistinguishible.

I should be back Monday night.. my plane leaves early tomorrow morning.

Ehhhhhh... I dunno what I'm hoping for. I'm angry and I can't let it go. Doesn't help that I'm getting negativity from every aspect of my life. I just hope that this doesn't blow up into a huge argument. Like shouting and cursing and making a scene. I don't have beef with his family - and I don't want to bring them anymore grief.

Even if it does get "fixed", which I highly doubt, the trip is still gonna suck. I'm gonna be alone 50% of the time if not more.

So uh, text messages are awesome <3

They go to Ohio to see the man that they can love forever :D


BBL GOING TO OHIO <3

You heard it right folks, apparently there are rumors going on about me :D

Of course the person who informed me on them left it completely vague, but apparently a lot of people fucking hate me :3 ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL!?

Rumors such as "He's so 'angsty' that he's full of himself" :D What the fuck does that mean? I'm not exactly sure but what I can translate into is that I'm so miserable that I'm full of myself~ O: Wow, who would have guessed? <___< NOT ME

Another one that seemed to be clear enough is that I try my best to fuck people over... on purpose :o

On Purpose... folks. On Purpose :D Like I have some vendetta against every fucking furry in the world. OH Not to mention that I was called a typical drama furry who loves to bring drama into every heartfelt and deep emotion and turn it into something disgusting and vile :D

So, in light of this AND all the drama that's been shoved in my face relentlessly for the past month or so I am HEAVILLY considering just backing the fuck out of life for a lil while. Including walking away from a possible relationship :3 I really don't want to leave the furry fan-dom cause well.. I feel comfortable here o: And I hope that everyone else truly feels comfortable with me BEING here but then again, I have no fucking way to tell if they do or don't.

I won't ask for anyone's opinion or how you all think of me, cause thats immature and chances are the people who are spreading these rumors are gonna lie about to my FACE anyway :D So it's just more of a notice.

If I disappear of your fucking planet and don't even make a blip on your god damn radar..... :3 Just know that I don't hate you... I'm hating everyone equally :D

joke :p I just need a fucking break.. better yet a fucking vacation -_-

~Sterne

Time for an update!~

Financial Life:
I'm making quite a deal of money at my new job at conEd. Though most of it goes bills and my parents, I still have some left over to spend. I SHOULD be saving money for, oh i dunno, a new car... a vacation.... the future. But for the life of me, I cannot. save. my. money. XD

Not to mention I lost my wallet last friday, so all my money has been there, but not touchable. Usually I'm piss broke by now :B Which, may not be too far from the coming future. ConEdison is about to go on strike. Luckily they didn't yesterday, they've pushed negotiations to Tomorrow. Which means as of wednesday, I could be out of a job for quite a while~

Family Life:
My parents have continued to be subtle with their remarks and disapproval of my sexuality. I'ts a bit daunting but nothing I don't think I can handle. The BEST was last night though, when my mom just got skype. She sent me a call, I answered, we saw eachother on cam. She called to ask me some questions... when she was in the next room <_< Anyway, thats besides the point, her stupidity astounds even me sometimes. But yes, she noticed I was depressed. :D AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DID!? She sent me an emoticon over skype.. of an emo kid.. pushing the hair out of his face and crying. Then she said, and I quote from memory "live for happiness it's worth the fight" .... I don't even know what to make of it, the whole thing seemed rather sarcastic and unwarranted. But then again maybe I'm just looking at everything she does under a negative light.

Love life:
I would like to say my love life has improved, which it has- but it doesn't feel like it. There's so much drama and I'm stuck with a decision that could change my ENTIRE LIFE. Have any of you been able to say that you have had the opportunity to make a decision that can change you're entire course of being?! Not many can, and I dare not assume no one I know hasn't... but it sucks. I've made my decision and I can't be happy about it. So I'm stuck thinking, did I make the wrong choice? But then I wonder if I went on the other road... would I be feeling the same way? For a while I did choose the second path and the feelings I felt were two complete polar opposite emotions.

 Either direction I choose to go someone suffers. Either direction I choose to go I'll be miserable at the fact knowing that I just about destroyed someone I love and have loved for a very long time.  I feel like just saying: "Fuck it! :D" and start being a recluse again. But that's not an option :3 cause then EVERYONE SUFFERS :D HAH HAH~ I can't even be a fucking coward! Awesome~

Sane-Meter:

As for my sanity? I'm loosing it, along with a lot of friends I never thought would leave me.

~Sterne

Leave a comment and I will:

a) Tell you why I friended you,
b) Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, etc.,
c) Tell you something I like about you,
d) Tell you a memory I have of you,
e) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you,
f) Tell you my favorite user pic of yours,
g) In return, you must post this in your LJ.

:D nyah?

Hey Everybody~

It's been a while since I posted anything. :D I'm so bad with keeping this stuff up to date.

Anyways, here are some updates!

Con-edison Job came through. I've been hired and subjected to medical exam and they're currently doing a background check. It's been a week which makes me worry a little. << I know I don't have to worry about the drugs, but if they take a look at my credit score ^^; then I'm screwed.
Also, because of Con-Ed, AC and FA: U are up in the air. I really really really want to fucking go, but I can't count on it. All summer I'll be working full time Mon-Fri with the hours of 8 - 5 for training. That lasts for 9 weeks. Then after that I'll go for 3 weeks full time working in real life situations.  14.63/hr :D 54 hours a week, mmmm Just like high school all over again EXCEPT I GET PAID >:3 Once those three weeks are up then I'll go to a part time schedule.

Musically, my old band is finally getting back together this summer when they all come back from college.. which is like in a week :D We'll be primarily doing covers of dir en grey or Reuben which is fine by me cause I think they're both awesome bands. Then after we get into that groove, we'll try and remember the songs we wrote XD We have plans to perform at some small shows over the summer, so I'll keep you guys updated :3
As for the furry band I started with Dee, Nally and Lupus- We're on a short hiatus ... even though we barely started XD I dont have money to travel back and forth to Long Island AND pay for the use of a Studio... so the plan is, soon as I start working and have money then I can start gathering everyone up and we can actually do shit XD; I'm lucky with my old band, they all live in the Bronx :>

School is coming to a close... I don't think I did so hot, but we'll see. Definitely next semester I'm going to put my foot down and actually do something with my life :D

Art-ly wise I think I've made some drastic improvements as of late. I think what I need to start working on now is perspective and making GOOD line art. Like the sketches I do are good, but when it comes time to make it a finished product, it still looks sloppy as all hell. Maybe it's my scanner, maybe its my supplies or MAYBE its my lack of skills using Photoshop XD;;
Luckily, I got my hands on CS3 Master Suite through my fathers job, I haven't tried it out yet but hopefully it's tools will help me make cleaner line art :/
I dunno why I wanna get better at art so much, I guess cause in the fandom that's all you really have to represent yourself or express how you feel. :P Though I wouldn't say my art is as deep as the latter statement.

:D Long entry eh? Well if you made this far... or just scrolled to the bottom XD I want all my friends to know that I care for you all. I can be a douche bag who lacks grace, manners or even common courtesy ... but I really do care for you all. All meh furs and such :B

Sappy Much? :D

Go eat a bag of dicks and get back to me <3

-Sterne

Ok so like, yay?

I took the con edison test. (For those of you who don't know what con edison is, it's the NYC electric company) The test was in fact, an aptitude test, not a proficiency test like they told me :B



Yaaay~ Me = Passed! 

So like, in 3 weeks or so, I should hear back from them and start for an interview :D Then training~. From what I've heard training starts in the summer, I'm hoping it won't interfere with AC or FA: U or even my florida trip. But we'll see, regardless I can NOT let this job slide. It's just too perfect for me right now.

Besides the test, this weekend was busy and exciting and depressing all at once :3

And now it's time to dance off into the sunset~ :: shimmies away ::

-Sterne

SO, I don't mean to rain on anyones parade XD But I got my hair cut today too :3
( HAIR :D )


Besides this update, things are well~

My art has picked up, my bass skills have improved. Shits on the horizon and all I gotta do is just make life changing decisions :D JOY

:p im scared but either outcome could be good for me

^-^ Fur meets and Fur cons coming soon... AND super awesome job test tomorrow :D

Wish me luck~

-Sterne

Enter the ICHC online Poker Cats Contest! D: I HAD TO IM SORRY

I want to thank everyone who posted a response to the last emo-filled post I put up. I re-read it over and over, what you guys said and what I put down. And the more I read it the more I realized how frantic I sounded, how retarded my gripes were. And I realized... that the problem is with me.

I just had a moment of clarity on AIM with a friend... and I don't think I could have been more dead on XD

[09:53] angstyusagi: :|
[09:53] angstyusagi: i know i need to give them time to adjust
[09:53] angstyusagi: and you know... be ok with it
[09:54] angstyusagi: but i think the reason why I'm feeling the way I am is cause i'm not really ok with it
[09:54] angstyusagi: im not ok with them knowing and i'm not ok with being gay completely
[09:54] angstyusagi: and it's frustrating
[09:55] angstyusagi: and like... all the anger i've had in me for years just keeps on surging
[09:55] angstyusagi: and then it goes from anger to depression cause im angry @_@
[09:55] angstyusagi: and thats keeping me from functioning normally.. which sucks cause that means that im weak enough to let my emotions get the better of me
[09:55] angstyusagi: and it's pushing people away

So basically... the fact is that I'm still not ok with being gay. Which is even more retarded, but atleast it's the truth... I'm such a fool. I've pushed away some great people because of this huge weakness. And a perfect display of that weakness was when I smashed my phone. I need to get over this.. how I don't know.. but I think once I can start loving myself the way those people who care about me do.. then maybe I can go back to being a good son and stop keeping my anger inward and having my outbursts project outward.

I hope that makes sense... but I just needed to get that out there.